101 Ways to Annoy the Dark Council
by Eldest Tempest
Summary: The aftermath of the story in The Old Republic takes a humorous turn, as the Emperor issues forth punishment for The Dark Council. Unfortunately, Marr is saddled with much worse. Major spoilers from Act III of the class stories.
1. Chapter 1

**1.) Declare your newfound allegiance to the Galactic Republic.**

Darth Marr strolled about the halls of the Korriban Sith Academy, as he listened to the delightful screams of acolytes who had failed their trials. Any Sith worth his ability to use the Force took a perverse joy in misery, much to the disgust of the Imperial Army, and Marr was certainly no exception to this rule. Strolling past the portion of the academy where many unfortunate beings were taken and tortured, an apprentice scurried in front of his path, thus blocking his way. Growling to himself, he halted and glared at the apprentice before speaking in his usual cold tone, amplifed by his mask.

"Why do you stand in the path of a member of the Dark Council, apprentice?" Marr idly asked, his patience running thin, after a nervous silence from the apprentice. Ah, how he was planning to fry the fool.

The apprentice mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath, then repeated himself in a louder voice. "Message for you, Lord Marr."

Darth Marr's nostrils flared at this, first with the fact that somebody was arrogant enough to think a Dark Council member would deign to look at something so pathetic, and secondly, because he was incorrectly addressed. Marr's fantasizing of the apprentice's demise were interrupted by him speaking yet again.

"It's from the Emperor, my lord."

Marr halted whatever sadistic thoughts were running through his mind at the moment. A package from the Emperor? Surely, this had to be a cruel trick, as the Emperor isn't one to send out delivery boys. Come to think of it, it sounded much like another of Ravage's old tricks. Marr snorted at this, mentally outlining the punishment that would be dished out to his fellow Dark Council member. How quickly the mental images of sadism change.

"Give me the package then, apprentice."

The apprentice timidly handed Marr the package, sticking around for a moment. The cold glare from behind his mask was enough to give him proper motivation to leave. Muttering under his breath, he tore at the brown packaging, only to find a simple envelope inside. Such a waste of packaging. Sliding a finger in the top of the letter, he slit it open, taking the actual paper out, and scanning it over with his eyes.

_Dear Darth Marr,_

_It has come to my attention that one of the primary reasons for Darth Malgus' _issues _were because of the in-fighting of the Council. I am not pleased. As such, I have deemed it fit to give you proper motivation for this to resolve. I have sent similar letters to your fellow council members, you need not worry. Expect the return of some of your-...less than likeable compatriots._

_Sincerely,_

_His Imperial Majesty and Glorious Collector of Doom, Death, Despair, and Other Charming Things, The Emperor._

Darth Marr stood trembling as he finished reading the letter, filled with utmost dread as there were two particular Darth's that he had loathed and was quite happy to find their demise. Alas, according to the almighty Emperor, this was not to be. Scowling, he paced away from the massive entry hall to his personal quarters.

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><p>When Darth Marr arrived at his quarters, the thing he was <em>not <em>expecting was bloody Darth Thanaton rummaging through his things. Mouth agape at seeing this, he noticed another note pinned to a wall. Whilst Thanaton was distracted, he snatched it and once again read it, hoping this was _not_ the apocolypse.

_Dear Darth Marr,_

_As you may have noticed, I was entirely serious when I stated that I was sending you the equivalent of a living nightmare. You will find that there will be _quite _the amount of thorns pricking at your side. I trust you can keep calm and survive, yes? Otherwise, you wouldn't be on the Council, would you not?_

_Sincerely,_

_His Imperial Majesty, Glorious Collector of Doom, Death, Despair, and Other Charming Things, and the Grand Master of the Order of the Prat, the Emperor._

Groaning at this new addition to the now-definite apocolypse, Marr turned to Thanaton. He was not expecting Thanaton having his things. _In a sack_.

" Thanaton. What in the Force are you doing with my belongings? "

Thanaton grinned like an utter moron, and chirped in reply, "Oh! Yes, these. Well, you see, Marr, after that spat with Zash's apprentice, I've decided the Empire isn't for the likes of me! So, I'm moving to the Republic, where they shall bow down in worship to my pure awesomeness."

"..."

Thanaton, after a few moments, noticed the silence of Marr. "Are you alright, Marr? Shall I get you a cookie?"

The resulting blast of Force Lightning stated Darth Marr was not amused.

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><p><strong>Hello there! As you can see, this is in the "101 Ways..." style, so the chapters might be shortish, like the above, though it's the content that counts, right? ;D. <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! Two reviews already!**

**Kiue Jin- Thanks! I'll try and see if I can expand the length of the chapters, though I can only push my brain so hard. :3.**

**almostinsane- I'm glad you're enjoying it so far! I shall try and uphold the art of comedy.**

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><p><strong>2.) Steal a Dark Council member's hidden cache of cookies. All of it.<strong>

After getting used to the issue that Thanaton had somehow come back from the dead, Darth Marr soon received an incoming message on his holocommunicator. Sighing, he withdrew it from his pocket, mashing one of the buttons with his finger, reminding him that he really needed a new holocommunicator, until a holographic image of Darth Ravage appeared.

"_Marr! What in the Force have you been doing? _Sixteen _calls from your quarters. _Sixteen. _Do explain yourself._"

Ravage seemed rather irritable, causing a smile to play on Darth Marr's lips. At least he wasn't the only one suffering. "You can thank Darth Thanaton for that. He seems to have been rather taken by my _personal_ belongings."

"_Darth Thanat-?_" The features of Ravage morphed into a visage of utter repulsion and anger. "_Is this a joke, Darth Marr? Thanaton is dead. I saw it myself when Darth Nox killed him. You even chastised me about his foolishness._"

"Words that I regret already. Alas, the Emperor has managed to return him from the grave. Did you get a note like I did?"

"_As a matter of fact, Marr, I _did. _Whatever punishment you've received involving Thanaton cannot be worse than what I'm sitting through. Vowrawn and Mortis are with me as well. Apparently, the Republic found it humorous to torment us with all of their victories. We've just arrived to the point where they utterly humiliate Kilran._"

"Worse than Thanaton? Hmmm..." Darth Marr lapsed into a state of recalling what Thanaton had been doing before he received the message.

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><p><em>Thanaton was rifling through his sack, as after some therapeutic sessions with electricity convinced Thanaton that moving to the Republic wasn't in his best interest, and was now placing Darth Marr's stuff back where he found them. Well, almost.<em>

_"Hey, Marr!" Thanaton exclaimed as he withdrew a lightsaber hilt. A hilt involving Ajunta Pall to be precise. "I wonder if this still works!"_

_If there was one thing Darth Marr had learned, it was to _never _touch the inviting object on the pedestal in the center of a large chamber. Sometimes, the object still worked after tripping some perilous traps and rusting away for millenia. As it so happend, the blade of energy hummed to life the instant Thanaton willed it to. Giggling, he swung it about, smashing some things he had managed not to place in the sack._

_"Thanaton..." Marr began uncertainly, a bad feeling pricking at him, as irritation flicked across his features, for his artifacts were being destroyed before his eyes._

_"What? I'm not doing any permanent damage!" As it so happend, the moronic Darth tripped and fell, impaling his eye onto the lightsaber. Fortunately for Thanaton, and unfortunately for Marr, however the Emperor had managed to bring Thanaton back to the living, apparently still lingered, as he rose relatively unharmed. "Ha! My awesomeness remains unperturbed!" _

_Marr simply shocked him again._

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><p>"<em>Darth Marr? Did you hear me?<em>" Ravage's impatient voice broke Marr's relapse and he shook his head, glancing at the holographic image of Ravage.

"Hm? Can you repeat what you were saying? I was entertaining myself with the memory of Thanaton being in pain."

"_I stated I was coming over to Korriban. Dromund Kaas is a bore, and I think I can afford to leave Vowrawn and Mortis to being humiliated."_

"I could do with some company, excluding Thanaton. Shall I prepare something to eat?"

Ravage's features brightened. "_Are you suggesting we eat more cookies? You know they are simply irresistible. They had an effect on Baras, definitely_."

Marr rolled his eyes at this. "I'll only bring out a few. So, hopefully, we don't chew through the entire cache."

"_Excellent. I shall arrive within one solar cycle._"

Marr switched off his holocommunicator and waited for his fellow Council member.

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><p>Ravage arrived within a few hours, attempting to look as dignified as possible. Marr waited in the entry hall, his arms folded, deciding it would be better to meet Ravage <em>before<em> Thanaton.

"Darth Marr. It is a pleasure. Shall we visit your quarters?"

Marr unfolded his arms as Ravage simply walked past, not waiting for an answer. Striding up beside Ravage, Marr kept pace with him as they made the brisk journey to Marr's quarters. They entered, finding it to be an utter wreck. Ravage turned to face Marr, one of his eyebrows quirked.

"Thanaton?" He asked.

"Thanaton," Marr replied, simply. As it so happend, Thanaton chose that moment to appear. Yet again, he wore his idiotic smile and bade Ravage hello. Ravage simply looked at him with contempt, before sitting on the only functional chair left.

"Shall we have those snacks now, Marr? I have been wanting to eat them for some time."

"Of course," Marr stepped over to the counter where he had laid out the cookies. Mysteriously, the platter was empty with naught but crumbs. Bristling with such rage, that Ravage could practically feel it, Marr turned to Thanaton. "Thanaton, did you eat _all_ of our cookies?"

Thanaton brushed some crumbs off of his robe, then shrugged. "No. Why?"

Marr turned to Darth Ravage, gesturing with his hand towards Thanaton. "I give you the honor."

"You're too kind," Ravage replied as he stood up, his lightsaber humming to life.

By the time Thanaton realised what was happening, it was much too late.

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><p><strong>Let that be a lesson to you all. There's a reason why cookies are the food of the dark side. I'm also taking any suggestions for ways to annoy the Dark Council in reviews. May the Force be with you!<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Whew, I'm back! Thanks alot to those of you who suggested, your suggestions will be taken into consideration. ^_^.**

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><p><strong>3.) Relentlessly prod them with an otherwise pointy stick.<strong>

After the incident with the cookies, Marr and Ravage decided it might be better to let Thanaton play about outside, in the sands of Korriban, where at least he wouldn't destroy any property. As it so happend, Thanaton was rolling around in the sand, perfectly content with his behaviour. That is, until his head connected with a large wooden stick. Scrambling up and rubbing his head, he wondered how it had gotten there. His wonder was soon replaced by an idea of a new game. Smirking as he did so, Thanaton picked up the stick and began to make preperations.

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><p>Darth Marr calmly drummed his fingers on his new desk, after Thanaton had another childish lightsaber spree. Ravage had gone off to sort out complaints, pertaining to the sudden shortage in the Sith Academy's cookie supply. As it so happend, Thanaton had eaten alot more than what Marr had first imagined. Amazing how his stomach hadn't burst open, or at least, Thanaton hadn't become more or less, an exact clone of Darth Baras. By the Force, Baras needed to get out and exercise more...<p>

Poke.

Marr's features flicked to that of irritation, as he noticed Thanaton covered in sand. He also had a stick clutched in his hands.

And was poking Marr with it.

"Thanaton, do you remember the last time you annoyed me?"

"Can't say I do."

"Lightning. Lots of it," Marr released another burst of Force Lightning from his fingertips, the bolts interlacing with Thanaton's body, causing frequent shocks. After some time of sadistic pleasure, Marr ceased his torture. "Go find someone else to bother, Thanaton. Besides myself or Ravage."

"But why?"

"Because my _Force Lightning_ made it perfectly clear you should not bother me."

Thanaton thought about this for a few moments, before trailing off, his stick hanging loosely behind him.

_With luck, he'll meet a tuk'ata and get himself killed,_ Marr thought to himself.

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><p>As it so happend, Thanaton was bothering the less important denizens of the Sith Academy. The Imperial sentries, particularly.<p>

"M'lord, there must be something more..._fitting_ of your nature as a Darth, than harassing myself and my fellows," One of the sentries finally complained.

"Marr told me not to bug him or Ravage! You're not either of them. So." Poke. "I will." Poke. "Keep." Poke. "Bothering you."

The sentries managed to valiantly endure this torment for a few more minutes, then finally lost it, and levelled their guns at him.

"Hey, what are you-"

Thanaton never got to finish his sentence. It's hard to do so, when so many blaster holes have filled your corpse.

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><p>Two hours later, Darth Thanaton trudged into the office of Darth Marr yet again. Oddly enough, his stick remained virtually unharmed. Remaining at his desk, Marr was currently paging through the latest issue of <em>Imperial<em>, a rather odd magazine that had in it's contents a high amount of scandalous content, which was perfect for the power plays that frequently occur in the Empire, and the reason for the Empire acquiring a much higher mortality rate than the Republic. As Thanaton entered the office, Marr casually sent a bolt of Force Lightning from his fingertip, igniting the top of the stick.

"Hey, now I can make marshmellows!"

"Er, Thanaton, the marshmellow is supposed to be on the stick, not the-"

Thanaton, again, did not listen and meandered off to find the aforementioned marshmellows. A couple hours later, one of the Dark Honor Guards that patrolled the Academy came into Marr's office and informed him Thanaton had been severely gored by a tuk'ata, his body covered with lacerations and missing several parts of his intestines, liver, and spleen.

Darth Marr smiled.

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><p><strong>Well, as stated in the top of the chapter, I'm back. Unfortunately, my returning chapter does not appear to have that many words. But, it was halfway finished when I finally picked it up again, so I suppose I didn't have that much of a choice.<strong>

**The story will now update more frequently.**


	4. Chapter 4

**I really shouldn't say things such as, "The story will update more frequently.", because just after I say them, I just know it's not going to happen. And it did. Two months without a new chapter. Truly, I am ashamed of myself, and I apologize for the incredibly long wait. Hopefully, (*Raps wood with knuckles, just in case whatever spiritual forces that like to contradict my statements are listening.*), this story _will_ progress further. I'll be doing the suggestions sequentially, in order of oldest to newest. Anyways, you probably don't want to hear my blathering. I've talked enough, as is!**

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><p><strong>4.) Call forth an invulnerable Jedi Knight to consistently irritate Dark Council members with Jedi philosophy. Repeat as necessary.<strong>

Of all things, Darth Marr was bored. Even after the multiple crusades of Thanaton to annoy him, some of which still worked, he had slowly become acclimatized to Thanaton's presence. Darth Ravage was currently dealing with a related problem to the lack of cookies. When Dromund Kaas had finally gotten word of the miserable stockpile of cookies on Korriban, they sent a supply fleet of cookies with all haste to the planet. One thing that was conveniently left out of the Sith Code, was that cookies were essential to the Sith lifestyle. Despite the fact that the Sith on Dromund Kaas would be perfectly content with hoarding the cookies to themselves, two Dark Council members were on Korriban, and the Dark Council is a force no Sith wants to acquire the wrath of. When the cookies arrived, much to the delight of the planet, an odd discovery was made. Thanaton, being an idiot as usual, had finally acquired some marshmellows, and, stealing a cookie for himself, placed them on his cookie, beginning to devour it. When he took a bite of his combination, he declared it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted. Another Sith decided to be adventurous and tried the combination, liking it as well. The newly dubbed "marshmellow-cookies" had caused an uproar throughout the planet, and Ravage was making sure that the entire planet didn't end up like Baras.

Marr was jarred out of his thoughts by the sound of a fist rapping against the door. Sighing, he sidled out of his seat, stepping over to the door and opening it. A man in brown robes had his hood up, with azure eyes, and sandy blonde hair. A lightsaber was attached to his belt.

"Good day, sir. Can I interest you in the light-"

Darth Marr slammed the door into his face. How a Jedi even slipped by, probably when the sentries were eating Thanaton's concoction, was perplexing. A brochure slid under the door. Marr snatched it from the ground and glanced it over. The brochure had a picture of sunshine bathing a tranquil valley in light, as a river ran through it. The words on the cover read: "The Light: The Good and the Better!". The entire thing was appalling, and Darth Marr quickly tore it in half.

"The light side is always looking for new initiates!"

"What the-!" Marr pivoted about, noticing the Jedi outside his window. Marr fumed and channelled Fore Lightning, casting it forth at the window. The lightning burst through the glass striking the Jedi, who simply continued smiling. Marr was slightly disturbed by the scene, and ceased, turning around to collect his thoughts.

"Do you need another brochure, sir? Your previous one seems to have been ripped in half."

Marr sceamed in annoyance, as he turned yet again, only to find the Jedi standing in his office. Igniting his lightsaber, the poor Darth plunged his blade into the Jedi's chest. Marr stared directly into the Jedi's eyes, as he waited for him to stumble, collapse, anything that showed death.

Nothing happend. No blood, no shocked grunt. The Jedi simply continued to stand there with his smile and brochures. "Sir, the light side doesn't involve manslaughter. So, you see, you shouldn't kill me if you want to follow the light."

"But I _don't_ want to follow the light. So, _get out of my office_." Marr snarled, rapidly losing his patience.

The Jedi seemed to briefly consider this, before shrugging. "I don't think I can do that, sir. You see, my purpose is to convert every lifeform to the light side. I'm the perfect Jedi! Unkillable, as murder is not the way of the light side, and I hand out wonderful brochures, because reading is a good thing!"

"Oh for the love of the Empire," Marr muttered, exasperated, before giving a sharp whistle. When Marr had found out about Thanaton's death-by-tuk'ata, he immediately commisioned a search for the exact tuk'ata that had dealt with Thanaton. A good portion of Imperial soldiers were lost, but at last the beast was found. Marr decided to name it after the most ugliest thing he could find, so the poor creature was "gifted" with the name 'Thanaton'.

Sure enough, the tuk'ata leapt into the room, sniffing its surroundings before noticing Marr. The Jedi jumped at the sight of the creature, and Marr smiled.

"Thanaton - kill! " Marr ordered as the tuk'ata dived towards the Jedi, who nimbly dodged to the side as he exited via the window, the tuk'ata in pursuit. Sure, the Jedi was unkillable, but that didn't mean Marr couldn't chase him off with his pet. As Marr was smirking at the thought, he heard a whisper behind him, soft, but audible.

"The light side is always looking for viable recruits, sir."

Marr promptly swore rather loudly.


End file.
